8 most frequent doubts about sex according to an expert

In Western society, the sex has been taboo for a long time. However, normalisation of the subject is increasing, and we are able to talk about it more and more widely. Despite this, certain sexual topics still make us feel embarrassed to talk about them. Either because the subject may seem strange, or the other way around, because it is a very common topic. Or in any case because it generates embarrassment in general. In ArgetinaXP we offer a compilation of seven of the most repeated questions about sex on the internet, answered for this newspaper Héctor Galván, clinical psychologist and sexologist.

Are multiple orgasms a myth?

He is also the director of the Instituto de Sexologia de Madrid and tells us about the Multiple orgasms: "They are not a myth, but they should not be idealised".. And he continues: "If they happen, it's pleasant and enjoyable, but it's exceptional. and can occur in situations where one is very relaxed and there is a high level of sexual desire.". If we take it as a rigid goal, it can generate stress or an unfulfilled expectation. That is to say that if it happens, we have to enjoy it, but not to become obsessed. 

Why do women find it difficult to reach orgasm with penetration alone?

"According to one study, 52% of women do not achieve orgasm with penetration alone and this may be due to several factors," says the sexologist. "It may be that the woman does not relax and does not feel comfortable. Similarly, it may be that the man has not yet had an ideal coupling with his partner," he points out. Enjoyment should be prioritised over frequency standards that have less to do with reality. "What is true is that the vast majority of women do end up achieving orgasm, albeit in different ways. You can reach the limit of orgasm with penetration and then end up achieving it with games, toys or masturbation."he points out. The big problem of the sexual myths is that it generates a lot of expectation, rigidity, anxiety, and ultimately a distress that complicates the smooth flow of sexual drives and pleasure as a couple.

Am I homosexual if I have ever had sexual fantasies about someone of the same sex?

"We should start from the fact that we are all potentially bisexual until our sexual orientation is formed. Sexual desire is not something that is genetically heterosexual, but something that can be associated and learned."he explains. "Of course, I am not homosexual because I have a one-off fantasy. Sexual orientation is ultimately determined by the search for sexual contact," he replies.

Is it advisable to tell our sexual fantasies to our partner?

Of course it is, but what is really recommendable "is that there is the confidence to tell almost everything. What is not healthy, however, is to demand to tell absolutely everything.". "You may know that there are certain sexual fantasies that might make your partner uncomfortable or strange. 

And "Not all intimacy has to be shared and that does not mean that there is no trust in the couple. That you can tell each other a lot of your fantasies, yes, but there is no obligation to tell absolutely everything"he explains.

Does penis size matter in sex?

The mythical answer is always expected by all: "Generally no". "Sexual coupling is much more important, that the man is empathic with the woman, that he learns how to get more pleasure from her."says Galván. If we refer in particular to the size, it happens that "the length of the penis practically is irrelevant from what is called micropenis, which is only diagnosed when it is less than six centimetres in erection.. From then on, the penis will produce pleasure. "In fact, most surgical interventions in women are performed without anaesthesia because there are no sensitivity receptors in the innermost part of the vagina. That is to say, in length there is not much difference"he explains. What the specialist is trying to tell us is that the key lies particularly in the empathy and sensitivity one has for one's partner. Pleasure comes first, so it makes no difference if the penis is larger than usual, if the user is not aware of female sexuality. "Women, however, often comment that do not enjoy it when it has a minimum of thickness". "The important thing, in short, is the sexual coupling," says the sexologist.

Is it possible to have sex in old age?

The specialist answers this in no uncertain terms: "Undoubtedly. Sex life lasts as long as life lasts". "In fact, in our clinic we have many couples over 60 who come to improve their sex life," he says. In the case of women, with age, lubrication may become more difficult, but it is a problem that is practically minimal if we consider the various forms of lubrication that we have in our time. And in the case of men, unless there are vascular diseases that may hinder erection, "from an endocrine point of view, desire hardly diminishes and there can be a sexual response as long as there is a physical capacity for any other activity".

Does oral sex carry the same risks?

"It's not the same risks as vaginal sex because the type of infectious diseases are different, but it does carry risk," she says.

How important should sex be to a relationship?

"We always say that sex life for a couple is not enough, even though it is essential. Even if two people can have a very good sex life, that is not enough to make a relationship work if there is not a good basis in all other areas," he explains. He adds that "a couple without a sex life of any kind is no longer a couple. It can be a relationship of cohabitation or friendship, but as a couple it ends up being diluted".

"What all couples ask us about in some of the sessions is the frequency and on average they have one relationship a week, but we are not able to say how often they have a relationship. there are couples who have more and others who have one relationship a month and are very happy with each other", says the sexologist. "Frequency should be demystified, what matters in terms of frequency is that there is an enjoyable relationship. And if it's enough for both of you, it's not a problem.", he said.

Sources:

elconfidencial