TAO YOU DID ME GOOD

I've always had an unenviable talent for bumping into every freak there was. From the one who felt she was the reincarnation of a certain promiscuous Egyptian queen from forty centuries ago and therefore slept with all my friends as my official girlfriend, to the blonde who claimed to be the depositary on Earth of secret copulatory practices from the planet Epsilon and wanted to apply smelly ointments to me before sex (not counting juggling and invocations). Not to mention the one who couldn't do it unless she dressed up as Marie Antoinette, with a big dress full of bows and ribbons that I had to untie one at a time. I was missing something with the Tao, tantric sex or oriental sexuality, and I was chanting Bingo!

It was my destiny that I would always meet some bizarre specimen. That's why, when some friends wanted to introduce me to a girl who, they said, was "very special, like you like them...", I accepted with a resigned air. "Crazy at the door..." I said to myself. But I was coming from a couple of months of sexual drought, and I grabbed anything, trusting in my experience to handle strange women. That's how I met Pamela.

And it wasn't a "gadget"; I found a beautiful girl, with a good body and very sweet. She was a peculiar dresser, though; she wore clothes of oriental design, with fabrics that evoked styles somewhere between Chinese and Hindu. - I mean... she's an Orientalist. It doesn't matter if she was born in a Montevideo neighbourhood; she identifies with the Chinese and Taoism, tantra, oriental sexuality... Anyway..."- I thought to myself.

And as if to break the ice after the introductions, I began by complimenting her outfit and accessories, particularly a large, round, black and white pendant.

-Represents the Yin and Yang, sign of the Taoisma philosophy of life that I practice... -

- And what is it? - I asked, preparing to listen to a lecture in the bar where we had met.

-It emerged in China 14,000 years ago, and postulates that there is only one reality: the masculine and the feminine, water and fire, mental and physical strength, in perfect harmony. If we balance our energies, thanks to Taoism and oriental sexuality, we can obtain...blah, blah, blah....

"It's worse than I thought. This one feels like Bruce Lee's cousin," I mused as I listened with my technique of feigning attention, while minding my own business, waiting to assess the chances of going to bed, the only thing that mattered to me.

- "...we have a broad sexual attitude, different from the Western one. We consider the intimate union of man and woman as a ceremony that we prepare with dedication, and we seek orgasm to achieve universal harmony, etc., etc. .... You seem very interested; would you like a practical demonstration of Taoism, tantra and oriental sexuality? It will change your life," he said, causing me to choke on a French fry. That was much more than I expected for a first date. A few minutes later, we set off for his flat.

On entering, I found myself in a place decorated with a profusion of Chinese motifs, and after drinking some strange tea (while she continued to monologue about the Tao) she began to practice a dance to the oriental music she played, while slowly taking off my clothes. After mumbling some prayers, and with both of us now naked, she began to manoeuvre with my genitals in a way I had never seen before. He played with them, but with a reverential attitude. Anyway, I got a formidable erection.

Then the act itself was a prodigy. I gained incredible control over my body, and with his precise indications I was able to prolong intercourse in an unimaginable way, and repeat it several times, each time in positions stranger and more pleasurable than the previous ones.

- This is wonderful! - I murmured, ecstatic and exhausted.

-It's like I say; Westerners don't know anything about sex. Luckily for you I can teach you what is necessary in Taoism and oriental sexuality. I hope you liked it..." he said softly.

- Fantastic, incredible, sublime! - I replied.

-Then you should do me a favour: spread the word to your friends.

-How?!?!!!

-That's it. Wait a moment and I'll give you some cards..." She sat up and took out a handful of personal cards from a drawer that read: "Pamela Lupiérrez. Expert in Taoism and tantric sex. Great discounts for groups and couples".

-So I'm dealing with a professional at this..." I said, not quite understanding what I was reading.

-Of course. I've spent years on this business, and it's about time it paid off. Distribute them among your friends, because if they come from you there is special attention. Now you'd better go, because there must be a customer coming in...

It took me a few days to get over the strangeness of the experience, but eventually I handed out the cards, and I know that several of them agreed to Pamela's services. A month later I visited her again, looking for more cards and another sexual encounter, both to my satisfaction.

After some time, we became partners, and now I am his exclusive representative, I organise tours and we are going to open an academy of Taoism, tantra and oriental sexuality with several branches. I must say that I not only have the best sex of my life. I also have an income that I never imagined. I can say that, of course, Taoism changed my life.