A PECULIAR DREAM

I had a dream, as Martin Luther King would say. But it wasn't about a fairer world, where everyone was equal, or anything like that.

It happened, as always in dreams, that I thought I was awake. So I began to act as I did every morning before leaving for work: shower and a frugal breakfast.

Meanwhile, I listened to the news on the radio, glancing at the newspaper that had just landed on my doorstep. Then I got my first surprise. Among the usual dreadful news, a large advertisement stood out in bright colours. It read: "DRY PUSSY, THE FEMININE PROTECTION THAT KEEPS YOUR BOMB BELLY SAFE FROM ANY DIRT THAT SQUEEKS BETWEEN YOUR LEGS". Such a text was accompanied by an image of a beautiful woman lying on her back with her legs wide open. The model was manoeuvring to put on or take off an underwear press, inside of which was attached a feminine towel. In this position, the young woman was showing a close-up of her most hidden areas. I was shocked. Let's not deny that it's a strange way to start a day.

I was even more surprised when from the radio, which was broadcasting a commercial, a manly and strident voice warned: "NO MORE COMPLAINING ABOUT SIZE! TRY THE NEW ALARGEITOR PLUS, AND YOU WILL HAVE A THING LIKE THE PEOPLE, AND NOT THAT RIDICULOUS PEANUTS THAT SHAME YOU SO MUCH! THE MOST SUCCESSFUL DEVICE IN THE EUROPEAN PORNOSHOPS, FINALLY AMONG US! FREE SALE IN KIOSKS, PHARMACIES AND HARDWARE STORES".

It was unheard of. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Assuming I was hallucinating, I put the newspaper away from me, turned off the radio, and picked up the remote control of the television, turning it on immediately. The day before I had been tuned into one of the open channels that in the early morning broadcast only extensive "informercials" of a different nature. No more than, usually, demonstrations of some kitchen items or fitness equipment. That's what they were doing, except that this time a man and a woman were talking about the benefits of a set of sex toys sold by mail order. I froze as I listened to dialogues like:

-John... I think that this wonderful vibrator made entirely with the latest generation of hypoallergenic materials can't leave any woman unsatisfied, no matter how hot she is... ha ha ha!" she said, as she took a huge artificial phallus in her hands and showed it to the cameras.

-That's right, Betty... If we continue to look at this spectacular collection of items for the sexual entertainment of the whole family, we see that this perfect false vagina. It is made of polyurethane of maximum flexibility, can delight all devotees of oral sex. Now they don't have to wait to conquer a woman or get the approval of their partners to be able to stick their tongue as deep as they want," he said, showing a strange object with a vaguely rounded shape and a slit in the middle.

-And it will also give them an enviable training in the noble art of using their tongues, not only to say stupid things. All of us women enjoy it like sows when we are licked there. We will know how to properly appreciate the one who has been trained with this wonderful product", replied the girl.

-Oh, look what we have here! A beautifully designed leather role reversal panty with a huge prosthesis that simulates a perfect penis down to the smallest detail. It also has a similar attachment, but with an adjustable size inside, so that both can enjoy. It is ideal for those couples who both like to receive equally. I think I'll take this home, and maybe tonight my wife and I will try it out... Ha, ha, ha!" said the boy, showing off a device whose existence I was completely unaware of until that dreamlike moment.

-I'm not surprised, John...we all know how you like to be fucked in the stern. I, on the other hand, am going to opt for this beautiful double dildo, perfect for the hot encounters we have with my best friend. With it, we can both satisfy each other at the same time, without those annoying alternations, where one is the active and the other the passive. It's great!" she almost shouted, holding up an artificial member that would easily measure a metre, with a huge glans on each end.

-That's why, my friends, nothing beats this Hard Sex Kit! And everyone can enjoy it in their own home just by calling the phone numbers you'll see on the screen below. Remember: if you call within the next 30 minutes, we'll send you absolutely free two pumps of the sensational OPEN ALL dilator cream, whose exclusive and all-natural formula will make no sphincter resist you" - the man finished off, looking at the camera.

Immediately, they both closed their speech with a resounding "CALL NOW, AND START ENJOYING IMMEDIATELY! I began to see a long succession of telephone numbers from different countries, each with a little flag on the side.

It was too much for me. I slumped into a chair, breathing heavily and my pulse racing. "WHAT WAS HAPPENING?!?!?!!!", I shouted to myself. I checked to make sure it wasn't a pornography channel. Although I was not a subscriber to that kind of service.

It took me at least ten minutes to get moving again, and that was to go to my mailbox at home. I wanted to find something that would give me a bit of rationality to hold on to on that very strange morning. It was crammed with envelopes and pamphlets of various sizes; I opened it and took the papers, returning immediately to see what all the correspondence was about.

I spread everything out on the dining room table and began to examine each piece. A large brochure on glossy paper told me about an unmissable offer: a fifteen-day holiday in the middle of the Caribbean, more precisely on "TRAVESTY ISLAND"! It showed a place evidently full of "trans" people, who exhibited themselves completely naked, in all kinds of lewd positions and very excited in the many photos in the brochure. I couldn't help but smile as I read something like, "Satisfaction guaranteed!" "We assure you that when you leave you won't be able to sit down for three days, or your money back!"

As unbelievable as that I found a magazine that mixed what would be more or less traditional pornography with showbiz gossip and politics. It had titles such as: "ARGENTINES RULE THE 'INTERNATIONAL ORGY AWARDS' NOMINATIONS FOR BEST ORGY IN THE WORLD". It was illustrated with images of rich sexual encounters with naked people inexplicably entangled with each other.

Another remarkable headline was: "FREE! FOR PET LOVERS ONLY; FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THE ZOOPHILIA COURSE FOR BEGINNERS - ALL THE SECRETS OF ANIMAL SEX AT YOUR FINGERTIPS!

In a fit of indignation and astonishment, I threw all the printed rubbish away from me, which ended up next to the newspaper where I found the first abnormality. I immediately unplugged the radio and the television with violent jerks, as if believing in my dream that in this way I would never again receive such disturbing messages.

NIGHTMARE AT THE DOOR

Still shaken, and not understanding what was going on, I heard the doorbell ring. Alarmed, I opened the door. I found an imposing woman, much taller than me and with a muscular build, barely covered by a tiny black leather dress. Ornamented with a profusion of studs and buckles, full of strategic slits, it revealed all her private parts. She had a strange mask that gave her a decidedly diabolical appearance, and a sinister five-pronged whip in her right hand.

-Hello, worm. I've come to give you your daily dose of whipping and mistreatment, because you can't live without being whipped, can you?" he said with a manly voice, as he advanced towards me, wielding the whip with a threatening gesture.

-I... no... Who are you and what do you want? Get the hell out of my house!" I managed to say, terrified.

-And be thankful that I'm still coming, because your damned social work hasn't paid for my S&M practices at home for two months. They think you've been improving your skills for so many years to work for free! Let's get it over with, I still have three more clients to visit..." he said, while he gave me a fierce whip across the face, which made me fall to my knees.

That was the end of it. Fortunately, that atrocious nightmare, the strangest nightmare I have ever had in my life, ended at that very moment. I woke up on the floor after falling out of bed and hitting my right cheekbone on the edge of the bedside table. Evidently, I thought that was the whiplash the "dominatrix" of my reverie had given me.

HAPPY ENDING?

Battered, I sat up as best I could, and tried to bring myself back to reality. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and I had decided to take a nap at home. I was coming back from a well-stocked and well-watered meal with friends. And so it was that I dreamt those monstrosities.

As the last images of the ill-fated dream faded in my head, I couldn't help but be glad that real life was so different. There was still some modesty left, and there will always be things that people prefer to hide. Whether out of a minimum of good taste and modesty, or for fear of social condemnation or judicial punishment.

I took a quick shower. Already awake, I decided to kill time watching television, for lack of anything better. I turned on the set and tuned in to my favourite channel, "Sudamérica Televisión". They were broadcasting one of the most talked-about programmes: "Confiésate con Brigitte", hosted by the former vedette Brigitte Ordóñez.

The topic of the day was an interesting one: "My daughter is a polysexual nympho fetishist". A distressed woman was telling the host, the 200-strong audience in the studio, and all the viewers, the story of her daughter. It was a teenage girl sitting next to her with a dismissive gesture.

Apparently, the girl was a machine for fornicating with everyone she came across, as well as possessing an appreciable collection of fetishes sexual. His mother had carried them in a large box and showed them to the camera without any qualms, evidently overcome with indignation. An old champagne bottle was impressive, with its neck encrusted with various abrasive materials, such as glued sandpaper, sand glued to glass and wire rings.

As the woman spoke, the young woman showed signs of restrained annoyance. And the climax came. The mother told how, shortly after her 15th birthday, her daughter had to be rushed to hospital to remove a large spanner that had found its way deep into her anatomy. She could not remove it on her own without sexually mutilating herself.

There the young girl stood up and started screaming, saying that it was her mother who had taught her these things. From a very young age, she gave her dolls to which she added huge rag or clay sex organs.

Furious, the woman got up and gave her daughter a loud slap. The girl returned the aggression with a spit in the face. From then on it was chaos. The driver had to intervene to stop the two women from hitting each other with the chairs they were already wielding like throwing objects.

Immediately, the commercials began, while I continued to congratulate myself for having returned to the placid and gentle reality after a dream as scatological and unpleasant as the one I had had a while before.